Living in Sin

 

Living in Sin

She had thought the studio would keep itself; no dust upon the furniture of love. Half heresy, to wish the taps less vocal, the panes relieved of grime. A plate of pears, a piano with a Persian shawl, a cat stalking the picturesque amusing mouse had risen at his urging. Not that at five each separate stair would writhe under the milkman’s tramp; that morning light so coldly would delineate the scraps of last night’s cheese and three sepulchral bottles; that on the kitchen shelf among the saucers a pair of beetle-eyes would fix her own— envoy from some village in the moldings . . . Meanwhile, he, with a yawn, sounded a dozen notes upon the keyboard, declared it out of tune, shrugged at the mirror, rubbed at his beard, went out for cigarettes; while she, jeered by the minor demons, pulled back the sheets and made the bed and found a towel to dust the table-top, and let the coffee-pot boil over on the stove. By evening she was back in love again, though not so wholly but throughout the night she woke sometimes to feel the daylight coming like a relentless milkman up the stairs. Adrienne Rich

 

 

            Let’s face it – marriage isn’t what it used to be. No, let me rephrase that, relationships aren’t.

            In a society influenced by countless romantic comedies and celebrity marriages, we are no longer like our conservative counterparts from generations past.  

            We get bored. Easily. With technology evolving the way it is and relationships becoming digitized through text message and email, love just isn’t the same.

            Even those who are seen as “unwilling to conform to society” by choosing to “live a life of sin” are not safe from dreadful monotony that can destroy a relationship.

            In the poem by Adrienne Rich, she describes a relationship that was built on idealistic values and false expectations.

            Presumably the speaker is a young girl who has become disillusioned with the relationship she is in. In her rush to what she believed was happiness, reason was thrown out the window for adventure and the rush of doing something that was seen as unconventional.

            She thought she was safe from everyday responsibilities like dusting and cleaning, but she finds herself immersed in the very household tasks she was originally running away from.

            No matter when the poem was written, it is relevant to this day. Till the end of time we will be trying to decipher the enigma of how to make a relationship last and stay exciting.  

            Ask a blushing bride on her wedding day what her dreams are and you would believe she lived in some fantasy world where everyone had their very own happily ever after.

            But the reality is, we grow up. With experience comes wisdom, and with wisdom we realize life isn’t a fairytale. Your shining knight in armor is just a typical human, filled with flaws like everyone else; your wonderful home where you will start your life together is just a one bedroom apartment where the rent is too high.

            What’s the bigger sin? Adultery or living in a loveless marriage? Marriage is complicated, especially trying to keep one together. But is the fight truly worth it? If both parties are not sharing the same feelings of admiration and love, should it be allowed to dissolve?

            With divorce rates at an astounding 50% and climbing, many would say we are becoming a generation of quitters, unwilling to work out our problems properly.

            But what if we are making the right choice? To abandon a sinking ship – essentially, call it quits.

            If couples are unhappy and not in love, there are many options before the big D. Counseling, therapy and simply talking it over.

            I’m not saying love is impossible or unrealistic, but am merely stating that many take the leap of love without looking back or reasoning.

            There is a stigmatization that comes with becoming a divorcee, a sort of scarlet letter that becomes associated with you and your failed marriage.

            For me, the phrase is “if you fail, try again” comes to mind when I think of marriage and divorce. Now, don’t become the next Liz Taylor, but even if you ask her I doubt she would regret the happy moments during her relationships no matter how fleeting they happened to be.  

            Don’t give up on love, just become smarter about it.