Script from Mass Communications: A Hollywood Hit

TAGLINE: You’ve heard the rumors about Hollywood, now find out they’re true.

Int. scene – description
A group of bored looking producers, writers and directors are sitting around a table at a typical board meeting, constantly checking their Blackberries for any new messages or calls. The desk is littered with coffee cups and dozens of crumpled up balls of paper. A few scared assistants sit behind their bosses dutifully taking notes and nodding their heads obediently.

WRITER
We need something new. Something juicy. Something never been done before.

PRODUCER
Everything’s been done. Tina! More coffee!
Blackberry rings an extremely obnoxious tone. Director picks it up without excusing himself.

DIRECTOR
Spielberg speaking. Yep, I’m just here in this meeting. Yeah, going nowhere. I’ve run dry… (Starts nodding) A talking dog? That can fly? Incredible. (Turns to group) Let’s do it.

WRITER
Fresh. I love it. But we need something else to clinch the Oscar…

DIRECTOR
Well we’re obviously missing a topless scene. Julia Roberts booked?

PRODUCER
And the kiss in the rain? But we gotta keep the film hip, indie, it’s gotta be two chicks… Tina, I’ve told you countless times, 3 and a 1/2 milks not four!
TINA comes hand shaking with a new cup of coffee and drops it off in front of him without a thank you.

WRITER
Perfect. I see it now… Guy is confused, washes his face to clear his head in front of his foggy mirror and suddenly, Aha! He’s gotta go find the girl. This role just screams Tom Cruise. He still asking for 20 mil a picture?

DIRECTOR
(Thoughtfully)
But girl doesn’t swing that way… So, conundrum.
Producer gets up and stands behind the director and writer to put his hands on their shoulders before delivering his “amazing” idea.

PRODUCER
Two words: dream sequence. Guy wakes up, turns over in bed, and there’s the broad. Problem solved.
There is a moment of tension as they wait for a reaction. All signs are leading to a negative response. But then the Writer’s face turns from unsure to delighted.

WRITER
Pure genius! That’s Scorsese stuff right there. Set the budget to 20 million and lets shoot.
The three execs turn to each other in sheer joy and begin to talk excitedly in a small circle. Camera zooms in past the hot-shots to focus on two of the assistants who turn to face each other shaking their heads in disbelief.

THE END